my Shepherd

Today is "day 1" of being a big girl. Sort of. My family left Laramie this morning. At first I felt a little panic-y.. I felt alone & very vulnerable. I've planted myself in the corner of Coal Creek Coffee Co. now after some desperate prayers & a good cry listening to "You are for me." I know God will bring comfort through my new "family" here.

"For I am always aware of Your unfailing love, & I have lived according to Your truth." Ps 26:3

i am weak. [I AM Strong.] i am alone. [I AM Here.] i am lost. [I AM the Way.]

Here is where I found my comfort & strength today:

Psalm 23 & what my God is speaking to me...

"The Lord is my Shepherd" He is leading me. He knows what is best for me & will guide & protect me always!

"I have all that I need" I will be in God's house this summer- removed from the rush & stress of the world. He will provide for me.

"He lets me rest" He will be my energy when I am weary. He fills me when I feel emotionally drained. I can rest. He invites me to sit. Be sill. "He renews my strength."

"He guides me along right paths" I am here because HE (the GOD of the Universe) is leading me along this path. Right ≠ Easy. Right ≠ Safe. Right ≠ Comfortable.

RIGHT = GOOD.

"...bringing honor to His name" I am living to please Him. I bring Him honor by surrendering my comforts, desires, selfishness.

"I will not be afraid, for YOU are CLOSE BESIDE ME" I am not alone!!

"Your rod & staff protect & comfort me" As I obey the call of the Lord, I will be protected. "And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is for us, then what could stand against??" He will comfort me. He will reassure me that I am at Home with Him."

"My cup overflows with blessings" I am SO loved & blessed by my family & friends. This is only the beginning because He is introducing me to new friends & family this summer.

"Surely Your goodness & unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life" Are these not days of my life? Why should I feel alone? His goodness & unfailing love are pursuing me now. PURSUING me. I cannot do anything to change that.

"& I will LIVE" I will be ALIVE. Truly alive in the presence of my God!

"...in the house of the Lord" With the only One who really makes a difference. The One who Loves me. Who wants me. In His HOME.

"FOREVER." Forever. Forever.

:: recent growth and revelations ::

God has been working on my stony, stubborn heart for a while now. I have been reluctant, but He continues to remind me that He is greater and I am only clay in His hands to be used as He decides. My Bible study has been reading and discussing Ephesians and since this morning Chapter 4 and 5 have not left my thoughts. Paul talks about our responsibilities. My earthly responsibilities right now include my duties as a student and my job at my family's restaurant. My call as a Christ follower and an evangelist is to "equip God's people to do His work and build up the church, the body of Christ" (ch 4:12). I help lead worship at my church's college ministry, I teach a 4th grade Sunday school class, and I am a member of a young women's Bible study. I long, with all of my heart, to be used in all these areas of my life. I want to be strong. I want to be used by God and I want to "THROW off my old sinful nature" (vs 22). Something I struggle with all too often is anger. My dad has struggled with this too and I really wish we could help each other overcome our sin of "letting anger control us" (vs 26). Psalm 4:4 says "Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent." But how many of us actually do that?? Paul encourages us to let it go and reminds us that "anger gives a foothold to the devil" (vs 27). I am learning, by the grace of God, to "Let everything [I] say be good and helpful, so that [my] words will be an encouragement to those who hear them" (vs 29). I am His, He is mine and if I'll invite Him in, He WILL mold me.

"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because YOU are his dear [child]. Live a life filled with LOVE, following the example of Christ" (Ch 5:1-2). I am convicted by vs 3-9. I have been influenced by, exposed to, and participated in "the things these people do," but I am called to a HIGHER standard of living!! He calls us into the Light and He challenges us to shine for all the world to see. But not just because we should be good little people.. Matthew 5:14-16 tells us the purpose of these good deeds; "so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father!!" We are to "carefully determine what pleases the Lord" (vs 10). Why do we make such a simple task so difficult? Have we forgotten that God is good? He is Light and in Him there is NO darkness (1 John 1:5). So why is it so easy for us to forget what pleases the Lord and the way we should behave? I write this not to specifically convict my readers but because the Lord has convicted me of this lazy living too. "Be careful how you live... Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do" (vs 15-17). We've gotta step it up.. God's plan will be fulfilled whether we participate or not, but how much more satisfying for us if we get on board!

Paul then goes on to talk about relationships. Why? Because we cannot do this alone. Kevin, the pastor of OverFLOW, has been sharing over the past few weeks about "doing life together." "He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and FULL of LOVE" (ch 4:16). Some of the women in my Bible study are single and, as most women our age do, we struggle with the wait for the one man God is preparing. God has set the perfect example for our future spouses and we must not settle for anything less! "He gave up His life for her!" (vs 25). God will guide me, love me, show me, prepare me.. He knows our hearts and we must wait knowing He desires for us to be happy (Ps 37:4).

I welcome your questions, comments and general responses. I pray God uses this to speak truth into your life.

Oh, sweet procrastination..

It's day 4 of my Thanksgiving break and I am still managing to find perfectly reasonable reasons to procrastinate the piles and piles of homework I need to do for nxt week..
Reasonable Reasons include:

• apply for summer position at Table in the Wilderness
• fold laundry
• update Twitter followers
• redesign my blog and post for the 1st time in... a while.

Lately I've been less than motivated for any kind of school work and I cannot decide if I'm just feeling guilty or if Christ is convicting me of this laziness. I know the difference between guilt and conviction- and being lazy in school is not steering me away from Christ. In fact, sometimes my excuse to not study is to read the Word. Right now, I am feeling very torn between wearing my hats as a family business co-owner and a student. My family's business is struggling in the economy and my parents ask only that I give ALL of my free time to work. As for school, I cannot seem to see the importance of any assignments and have little motivation to work as hard as I used to at school. I know God will use me where I am and I only have one [seemingly VERY long] semester before graduation, but still.. I lack any drive.

There. Now that I've successfully completed the last of my "reasonable reasons to procrastinate," I'm going to read an article for class and force myself to write a few papers.